Truth of the matter iz...my dad waz never a part of my life in way of what's expected as a parent.Our relationship waz shaped around incremental momentz attained in TRAFFIC. When the cutz became my official stomping grounds, our pathz seldom crozzed. Why? I waz chasin' paper...he waz chasin' another hit. He would seldom come cop from me because ( laying aside the internal emotional strain of buying dope from your son ) he knew that he couldn't " get over " fucking with me. If anything, I'd just give him some dope. I'm like, why would I sell you dope, dawg , you're my dad? And so, all of the in between time waz spent communicating with one another through the system. Either I waz locked up or he waz locked up. Or....on a few occasionz; we both were locked up...together...in the same cell.
But back to Mrs. Stevens, along with about 98% of everyone else who knew the reality of the situation...just couldn't fathom how, or most importantly, why, I'd take on the burden of a man who has " never " been what he waz suppose to be in my life, ...why would I take on a dying cancer patient? Here you have on the one hand, a guy who iz 34 yrs. old, just finished serving 8 yrs. flat in the Federal Prison System, hasn't even been free a yearz time span...living in the projects ( well, the Midland , Texas version of projects, ) struggling all around the board, taking into his life a dying drug addict with not even a second thought. WHO KNEW?
So...I can't give you an answer to the question of " how am I dealing with it all? " Or..why did I even subject myself to it in the first place? Sure, I had every right to say: FUCK NO! FOR 34YRZ I NEEDED YOU AND YOU NEVER EVEN MADE AN EFFORT TO STEP UP TO THE PLATE, NOW YOU'RE DYING AND YOU..." NEED ME ? " FUCK NO !
But ya know what? There came a point somewhere in my life that I came to the realization that: ACCEPTANCE BREEDS UNDERSTANDING ! And of course understanding iz the highest level of love attained between two or more in a relationship.
And... with that being said I MUST flip the script and pose the question: WHERE IZ THE LOVE FOR ME IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME?
So, whenever you get through, tell me, how can you say you love Da' Peta'Loc and therefore understand him when...it waz all love and all good when I waz feeding an entire community of addictionz, going back and forth to prison, leading everybody who fucked with me on a day to day basis on a one way trip to hell of some sort; basically:...but when I switched the game up ( but not the name up ) all the love and understanding has suddenly gone out the door. I'm CONFUSED AS FUCK RIGHT NOW!
Beyond a shadow of a doubt, if I were to walk back up on the block with a pocket fulla' halfz and wholez...the question of me getting your money isn't even a factor. Now all of a sudden it becomez: " damn, where can I stash all thiz loot in such a way as not to appear suspicious? " But now, thiz same dude comez to you selling " music.....something from the heart" and all of a sudden itz a problem!
Like I said....MAN, ITZ FUNNY HOW THE GAME UNFOLDZ.
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